It's December 31st, the last day of 2008. Tomorrow, 2008 will be history... everything that has happened is now a part of our past, no matter how amazing or horrible, it's now in the past. We can't go back, we can only remember. Tomorrow is not only a new day and a new month, but a new year - a clean slate. New opportunities will be laid out in front of us. I for one am eager to see what 2009 holds for me. Will it be the worst year ever? Will it absolutely ROCK? Who knows... 2009 is the future - but it's no longer the distant future, and tomorrow, 2009 will be the present.
But - as eager as I am, a part of me is sad to see 2008 go. It's not like leaving a city behind - giving yourself the chance to turn around and go back if you feel you're not ready to push onward. It'll be gone... and everything that happened just a memory... I feel like I'm losing a small part of me.
...Wow... that sounds really Emo... moving on!
I don't know what I'm trying to say... except that I'm ready to say 2008 was the best year of my life. It started out like crap, and had it's fair share of pit falls. I can't begin to count how many nights I cried myself to sleep, how many times I found myself angry at people I never thought I'd get mad at. The number of times I questioned if I had any friends left, or questioned if the pain I felt, or the frustration, or anything was going to last forever. God and I had SO MANY conversations over the year... why are you doing this? Why am I going through this???
2008 marked my first honest to God heart break. I'd never cried myself to sleep over a boy before, never wished I had never met him before 2008. I'd never avoided people so I didn't have to THINK about someone... and I'd never had to mend a broken heart. It opened my eyes to exactly how fragile a person could be - how a heart really was made out of porcelain, and you had to be careful with it.
I was given a big lesson in hate - shown how people can get cruel and evil just because they don't like you. I guess I had always sort of known, but it was still shocking to be attacked as I had been.
I was taught how being stupid was... well, stupid.
But each and every one of these instances helped me grow later on in the year. As technology advanced, new toys were created and old ones upgraded, I pressed on. Everytime I was left in a cumpled heap, God picked my up, dusted me off, and helped me to continue on. Promised things would get better.
Stress set in. Finances got tight - REAL tight - and my friends left. I was alone, still heart broken, and poor. I was stressed, I was frustrated, I wanted to give up. Once again, he picked me up and helped me press on. Promised - things will get better.
I was still being attacked. I was still alone. I was still heartbroken. I began to retract myself - confiding in me and me alone. Didn't work, and as I lay broken, betrayed by myself and my own strength, He picked me up again, pointed me in the right direction. Things will get better, I promise.
The Summer Olympics went to Beijing this year, and team USA made history when Michael Phelps swam his way to 8 gold medals. More importantly to me, I acquired a new Olympic memory when Jason Lezak defeated Alain Bernard in the mens 4x100 relay, second only to Keri Strugg's one footed vault landing. America went crazy. The Chinese gymnastics time faced scandal... but still went home with a number of gold medals in the event. Laura Wilkinson dived her last, failing to medal but still ending her career gracefully. Shawn Johnson and Nastia Lukin both took home gold medals for the USA team in gymnastics. Americans were proud to be such for the first time in a long time.
I began to be more open - I began to talk. I sat on my friend's floor and cried and cried and cried about how unfair everything was, how stupid boys were, and how stupid I was. Within weeks I was able to laugh. Things began to get better.
I opened up more - diving into acting and dabbling in journaling. I got my first lead role - it got my mind off of a lot of my problems, and I loved it. I had fun. What was once old became New again. Things still got better. I still cried, but I was okay with it. My heart started to piece itself back together, I felt less alone, and this time, He only had to catch me when I stumbled a bit.
I began to answer the attacks the best way I could - I learned how to be smart and not soft - I learned how to stand up for myself - to stand on my own two feet. I began to blog; to pour my soul and my emotions into witty literary banter or just give my mind something to focus on. I cried less. I hurt less. I was less stressed. Things got better.
America held an election and made history again by electing it's first biracial President. Sarah Palin was blamed for McCain's failed campaign by some cowards that couldn't admit defeat. I voted for McCain and remained one of the few conservatives not to cry foul or rip my clothing when he lost. Gas prices dropped, then rose again.
Thanksgiving roled around - I got out of the state, got some fresh air. I got over my broken heart, got over my lost love. As time went on, I began to actually feel THANKFUL for the experience. I continued to blog, continued to act. I spent time with family, and began to embrace my past, while cursing the stars for being a few months shy of my 21st. I sat back and, for a week, watched my life go backwards instead of forwards. I was able to really smile for the first time in a while. I had no structure to my day, I had no worries, no cares at all. Things got MUCH better.
December hit - and with it came NaBloPoMo, and this challange to be thankful for something every day. My blogging got stronger - I began to REALLY enjoy it. However, along with December came 2 of the most stressful weeks of the year. Rehearsals, casting, memorizing lines, dress rehearsals, call times, shows, more rehearsals, blocking, staging, lighting, directing, more lines, more shows... Chin up, it'll be alright - have I ever let you down? Friends came home from school - it felt like home again. You never realize how much you miss someone until they come back and you have them in your arms again. :)
The shows went great - I found that I not only had a love for acting, but directing as well. As many tears I shed in frustration - as much hair as I had pulled out - was entirely worth it. I felt better, I felt I had found who I was. The more I looked back, the more thankful I felt... the more I realized I didn't regret anything, and I wasn't angry about the past year.
I didn't cry anymore about my broken heart - in fact, I embraced it and my experience. The knowledge that came with it was worth all the pain. As everything came to a close and I realized it was almost Christmas, I began to discover things.
I discovered how much I truly loved writing - fiction or non fiction, didn't matter. Just so long as I could write. Blogging became more difficult, with the desire to put something worth reading on here, but I began to thank the stars that I had come to rest here at Limitless Ramblings.
Along with the thankful theme, my love for WWII was rekindled. I began working my way through BAND OF BROTHERS again, this time with my family. I found myself longing to meet each and every one of those wonderful people... found myself wishing this nation remembered what happened in it's past... and became more aware of the fact that this year was going to become the past as well.
I uncovered a love for working with children... found myself seeking out professions where I could work with children as a career. And I acquired a desire to be a mother... having mild pangs of jealousy to all the women lucky enough to be pregnant. *shakes fist at Christa* lol!
I began to sport a positive attitude, finding life much more tolerable with a smile on my face... and with said attitude, I acquired a sense of adventure.
As December came to a close and Christmas came and went, I began to discover new music, and massive amounts of it as well... be it established artists like Joey McIntyre that I hadn't before listened to, or new local artists like Theoria and Signed By You, that I "happened" to stumble upon.
I spent the remainder of December laughing.
And now it's the 31st... the year has been like camping - INTENSE. ((GET IT?? IN TENTS - INTENSE??))
Jordan - you've come along on this entire ride... always able to put things into perspective, or just listen to me cry about lost love and broken hearts, always ready with an encouraging word. :) Thank you so much for getting me into this NaBloPoMo thing! And thank you so much for listening to me and just being there because it's been a big help. :) Happy New Year, and may God Bless You in everything you do! :)
Heather - you put up with WAY too much insanity when I'm involved, but I don't laugh nearly as hard with anyone else as I do with you. You're the Spelling Nazi to match my Grammar Gestapo, and I'm honestly SO glad that we got to know eachother. :)
Jolie - I don't know what to say... I really don't. Honestly, if you had told me at the beginning of the year that I would be lying on your floor crying about a boy, I would not have believed it. Thank you for being there, thank you for understanding - thank you for helping me mend. I'm so glad our paths crossed, and I'm SO GLAD we're still friends! You've been a great partner in crime, and I've had a blast trying new foods with you at our Friday night dinners! :D
Mikayla - My encouraging push and second mother - thank you so much for everything! Except for the whole corruption of my innocence... that I could have done without... BUT EVERYTHING ELSE - THANK YOU! :) YAY AUSTRALIA!
Courtney - my OTHER second mother - *hugs* My self esteem boost! HAHA! Thank you for all your kind words! :)
Ana - MY SISTAH! I've had fun absolutely freaking out about our boys - interesting that they aren't the reason we met but they are definitely the reason we know eachother so well!! HAHA! I've had fun getting to know you!
Donna - My INSPIRATION! Keep on keeping on, girl - you're gonna go far!!! *hugs*
the Culvers - my home away from home/second family! You guys are great and I absolutely love you! I can always count on smiles and hugs and a huuuuuuuuuge self esteem boost when I'm with all of you! :) Thankyou for allowing me to be a part of your family!
God - things got better... you didn't, nor have you EVER, let me down. You were always there... you never gave me anything more than I could handle, and I know you ultimately knew how things were going to turn out. It wasn't the path I would have chosen, but looking back I'm glad it's the one you chose for me.
And finally - last but not least, I gotta throw a shout out to my boy. He knows who he is. Thank you for your kind, encouraging, and most of the time PERFECT words that kept me going. Your jokes that kept a smile on my face, and your love and passion that encouraged me to be more than I am. Don't change - you're perfect the way you are. Key to my heart! w00t! :D
As I draw closer to the end of this post, I'm forced to realize, this is the end of December, the end of the year, and the end of NaBloPoMo - at least for THIS month. I'm SO thankful for that, as well... it's been HARD trying to get a post in EVERY DAY... most days rushing home to get something posted before midnight, other days having absolutely NOTHING to blog about...
I expressed earlier that I wasn't sure if I was going to continue in January... if I was just going to take a break off and resume in February... but I hadn't decided.
Well, I've made my decision - I WILL be taking the NaBloPoMo challenge in January. The theme is CHANGE, and quite frankly, it should be interesting... a new year, a new month, a new challenge. This month has really forced me to hone my skills, and this blog in general has helped me to focus... I feel I've not only gotten better at writing, but I've unlocked parts of myself... and more so than anything, it allows me to watch how I change. So, I shall indeed be returning in January... I hope that most of you will return with me, come along for the ride. :)
2009 is almost here! With it I'm sure it will bring many things - one of which is a new chance to acquire my desired face time! :) I can't wait, but it's SO bittersweet... But, that's life! :)
Oh, another thing - my slogan for 2008 seems to have been GET YA MINDS RIGHT... I guess, along with a few other things, I'll be acquiring a new slogan.
I've been using Get ya minds right (courtesy of Donnie Wahlberg) for a number of reasons... basically it means, don't hate, don't lie, don't start rumours, don't be negative - GET YA MIND RIGHT - be positive, seize the day, and be yourself. Attitude makes the moment.
With a new year ahead of me, I've decided on a new slogan... also taken from someone else... you'll see it tomorrow... but know that it's coming. :)
Until tomorrow - HAPPY NEW YEAR, AND GET YA MINDS RIGHT!
~Lauren
