Limitless Ramblings

It's December 31st, the last day of 2008. Tomorrow, 2008 will be history... everything that has happened is now a part of our past, no matter how amazing or horrible, it's now in the past. We can't go back, we can only remember. Tomorrow is not only a new day and a new month, but a new year - a clean slate. New opportunities will be laid out in front of us. I for one am eager to see what 2009 holds for me. Will it be the worst year ever? Will it absolutely ROCK? Who knows... 2009 is the future - but it's no longer the distant future, and tomorrow, 2009 will be the present. 

**DISCLAIMER: The videos you are about to watch are from the other day. While I absolutely LOVE the Theoria video - "Spark" with a "Watermark" encore - I am in NO WAY proud of the other two videos... lol. However, I hope you all enjoy them! :D



I feel the need to pause your video watching for a second to just thank Theoria for their two AWESOME concerts. I'm so glad I got to go see you guys - and thanks SO MUCH for playing Watermark TWICE! :) It's still my favorite! ((Sorry to Kyle's voice, though - not Kyle, just his voice)) Have a safe trip to Idaho and good luck on the rest of your tour! :)






I hope you enjoy it!!!

ALSO - MERCED PEOPLE - AND THOSE THAT ARE WILLING TO DRIVE TO MERCED FOR THE DAY -

First Baptist Church on Buena Vista is having a night of worship on Jan. 3rd at 7 pm in the worship center - featuring the First Baptist Church youth band! Come and spend a night listening to contemporary Christian music performed by Merced locals! Admission is the same price as Christ's gift of salvation - ABSOLUTELY FREE, so come and bring your friends, and tell everyone you know! Again, that's January 3rd, 2009, @ 7pm in the BIG BUILDING FACING M STREET. Usher in the new year with great music and fun! I hope to see you there!!!!

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve - does everyone have plans?? I'm still not sure what's going to become of our New Year's plans, seeing as Heather may be a bit out of it... lol. But, I'm actually looking forward to ushering in the New Year, now, and all it may bring... and, as December comes to an end, I have decided that I am EXTREMELY thankful for 2008 and everything it brought me - good or bad. Without the bad times, we couldn't appreciate the good, right? Can't wait for 2009! It's gonna be ushered in with a BANG! :D

Get ya minds right! :)

~Lauren

I don't have a lot to blog about right now, but I'm leaving in a couple hours for the Theoria concert in Walnut Creek, so you'll probably get an update about that when I get home, as well some video tomorrow. :)

As for now, I apologize for this weak post. :D

***EDIT***

I'm freezing... it's so dang cold in my room... oh man is it cold!

I got back a little while ago from the concert. Theoria managed to exceed my expectations, putting on a show FAR BETTER than the one on Saturday night... the one on Saturday night was Epic... I have no idea what word explains how they were tonight... I'll find something in Greek... hahaha. They always have better words! I got as much video as I possibly could and it's going up on facebook and youtube as we speak... I also took a couple pictures, but I'm sure Heather's turned out better. I'm gonna go ahead and call it a night. I'll try to get you some epicness tomorrow. :) Believe me... even if you don't care for the music... you'll have to agree... the car ride home was nothing short of Epic... :)

I have a vlog for all of you - but Youtube has decided to be the most lame it's EVER been, and it won't let me upload it. I'll get it up ASAP - sorry about the delay. I'm also about to run out the door, but when I get back I'll tell you all about the band we went to see last night! Gonna try to spin their tunes at the bowling alley tonight! :D

As the sun goes down in front of me
It reminds of me of where I want to be
With you and you alone
Hold me in like you were made for me
I'm losing faith in gravity
I just need to let you know
And I just need to let you know

I'm not going to come down
Down off of these clouds
All these heroes come and go
But you're still standing
You teach me to rise up
To open my eyes up
All these heroes come and go
But you're still standing

You're still standing

You know the world's confusing
I don't care
I crawl into your atmosphere
I know you'll make it right
You're all I need to know

I'm not going to come down
Down off of these clouds
All these heroes come and go
But you're still standing
You teach me to rise up
To open my eyes up
All these heroes come and go
But you're still sanding

I believe that you can save me
And you'll never let me fall
I'm not going to come down
I believe in what you've shown me
There's a hero in us all

I'm not going to come down
Down off of these clouds
All these heroes come and go
You teach me to rise up
To open my eyes up

This song is dedicated to Maj. Richard Winters and Easy Company. :) I had a conversation with my dad on Christmas about how no one even knows that heroes like Maj. Winters existed - he said that, if someone today bumped into him in Costco, they'd probably just treat him like a stupid old man. And then he asked me what I would do if I ever saw that happening - and quite frankly, I didn't answer him, because my immediate reaction was, I'd be kicking some ass! That wouldn't be happening, not around me. He said that he felt I would probably be tearfully defensive - and he's probably right. It breaks my heart to think that many people have no idea what this man did for our country... anyway, shortly having this conversation, I heard this song for the first time, and I couldn't get the image of Easy Company out of my head - hiding in their fox holes as the trees exploded around them in Bastogne, or their reactions upon finding the Concentration Camps, or them crossing the river to patrol for German prisoners, or them helping the invasion at Normandy - it was just their song. It was Maj. Winters song - and I just had to dedicate it to him and Easy Company... because my dad was right - I would be tearfully defensive... but I'd also be kicking some ass! :) Because, even if a lot of people don't know who they are or what they did for this country, I do - and it means the world to me. Maj. Winters is STILL standing - and it'll be a sad day when this nation loses him. Pump ya breaks, kid - THAT man's a national treasure, and I for one am thankful for what he did.

I'm spending the day - yes the WHOLE day - in San Francisco today, so not a lot of blogness from me... BUT - have a great day, and enjoy the song! (I strongly advise buying the whole album - David Cook has really proved himself!) Good news is, I'll have something to blog about tomorrow!!! :)

Get ya minds right!

~L.

So... I'm lame and don't have time to blog today. Instead, I decided to give you a blog post I wrote a LONG time ago... it's one of my favorites just because it's really, really, REALLY strange.

ENJOY! :)

Everyone can write. It is not something that can be taught, not something that can be learned. It is simply there, like the ability to breath or the ability of a heart to pump. It just is. There is a place in the mind, a place where raw knowledge and ideas are born. Everyone has it. But not everyone can tap it. Why? Because of Rationality.

Rationality – a disease; the cause of death to imaginations and creative writing everywhere. The thing that gnaws at you as you read, watch movies, or even dream. The thing that tells you nothing like “that” could ever happen. It tells you about the meaning of “inanimant” and steps on ideas before they are big enough to defend themselves. It says God is not real. The thing that tells you the only thing that is real is a good job, and money. Money can buy you anything. Those who believe in Rationality were the same ones who grew up telling kids on the playground that Santa was real. They live boring lives, and their place is full of cobwebs. A truly sad sight. Those are the people who need to connect the dots. They can’t see the big picture, and they don’t try. They focus on the dots, the first, then the next, then the next. Everything has a purpose, and everything must connect.

And then there are those that are wise to Rationality. They have been keeping up with their Place, keeping it in working order, and still dreaming. The people who hear something interesting and file it, meaning to elaborate later. Ideas can be born here, but they have no room to grow. These are the people who want to see the big picture, but can’t. Connecting the dots is fun for them, and they try.

And then there are those who know. They know all of Rationality’s tricks and lies, and can deflect them. They believe God is real, and do with that knowledge what they please. They don’t have a Place, they have a World. These people not only know that Santa is not real, but also know that if you travel to the past, you had better not stay there long. The Langoliers are coming, and you don’t want to be there when they show up. These are the people that know dolls can come to life and if you step on a butterfly, you could very well have killed thousands of people. You can find these people in any fandom, because they devote themselves. They are drawn to things within their genres and they are devoted. They see and they theorize. They speculate, and they do so happily, excited. Because this is life for them, this is what they live for – having their minds function on levels beyond that of what Rationality tells them exists. These people still know how to dream, and they know. There are answers in that world, and sub consciously, we know that. That’s why we’ve made it. And the answers grow. They are born, and they grow, and float around until you see them, and you grab them and express them, and they are gone, leaving room for more ideas, more answers to be born and grow until they too are expressed. These are the people that don’t need dots. They see the big picture – it’s as if the dots never existed. The picture is what we make it, what we see.

Our eyes are almost magical – we can see, and we can grasp. But we need to know, first. We need to hear, and know. We look to those who have already learned for help, and thus, we read. None of that non-fiction crap, no, that’s not writing, that’s relaying. We look to those who write, who have visited their world and made friends with the ideas that speak to them the most. If you are wise and know what you are doing, you’ll turn to those who have made friends with Fantasy and Horror. These are the people that understand the most, because Horror and Fantasy are the ones that know the mind – the mind that is no longer bound by rules and laws. The speak to the mind in it’s most raw form – and to be friends with them is to know.

So we turn to them –the writers who have visited the World. We read, and we know how to visit the World ourselves. There are no dots to us, but we are connecting them without knowing. That is why we can see the big picture – the picture we made – because we read and we connect, and we get closer to visiting our World. And it’s not really ours, it’s everyone’s. We are merely able to create our own door, because we don’t believe in Santa, but we believe in the monsters under our bed, and the spirits in the tween hours. We believe in the inner workings of the mind, and we open the door.

We follow suite – we go to school and we get our education, but we also steal away to the world. We have ideas, we grasp them, let them go, merge them with others, and create a new idea. We let it grow, and merge it again, until we have a creation. And then we express it.

You can’t learn to write, you can only know.

And the first thing to know is this – there are no writers. There are no authors, no playwrites, no poets. There are merely The Knowing. Those of us that have found our door, opened it, and visited. Those of us who have made friends. We know – because our friends have told us. We are transmitters – we tell you what our friends say. Fantasy wants to relay this, Horror that, Comedy everything else. Most everything is connected, but this is because we don’t need it to be. We see a dot, and we think of another dot. And we create. But every once and while, we find an idea, we nurture it, and it becomes ours. We relay it, we rewrite and we rewrite, and finally, we know. And the idea gets out there somehow, because we know it, and it is ours.

I have found my door, and have gone through it. I have visited the World, and I have made friends with Romance and Fantasy. I have done that which I had not been sure I was worthy of, making friends with Fantasy, but I have grown due to recent events, and Fantasy made friends with me. She has been kind, and need only be kind in return. She showed me where to look, and now I have found my idea, and I am nurturing it. I have visited ideas, but known they were not mine – have tried to make them mine, to develop them, and haven’t been able to. I’ve watched as the ideas find their owners, and bloom faster than I could ever imagine, and I have accepted. But now I have found my idea, and I know it is mine. I am nurturing it now, merging and letting it grow. And it will explode, soon, and waiting is amazing. But until then, I will turn to them – my mentors, my seniors. I will talk with those who are friends with Horror and Fantasy, and I will know.

I'm posting early today, because I don't know if I'll be able to post at all tomorrow. I want to start off by saying - THANK YOU AMY FOR THE ALMOND ROCHA! :D

My Christmas morning looks to be a little packed. We're to be at my Aunt's house at 11 for Christmas Brunch, which means we have to be up and ready and doing presents before that... that's early... haha. I'm determined to make it fun... I'm sure if I fill the day with games of Apples to Apples and Pictophone, it'll turn out to be a hoppin' Christmas Brunch indeed!

We'll probably spend a few hours over there, then head on back home to chill and make Christmas dinner... which I'm looking for. I might even talk everyone into finishing up Band of Brothers (Oh my heck I can't begin to tell you how much I love that series!!! What I wouldn't give to have Easy Company under my Christmas tree!) - we only have 2 more episodes left, but they're the hardest 2 to get through. Nix and his transformation, Winters and his requests, the photos, and of course... the concentration camps. BUT - as much as it tears my heart to shreds, I do so love this era of our history. I firmly believe it was the point at which America was at it's most majestic.

BUT - I digress. Friday morning holds in store for us an epic breakfast - I'm already making plans for the left over ham!! Haha! And, as Christmas comes and goes, it becomes time to make the resolutions... I had tons at the beginning of the year but as I type this, I realize I have none, and should probably think of a few.

And I think I should throw this out there - I'm prepared to accept the end of 2008. As much as I hate to see it go, I've found myself each and every day EAGERLY anticipating the new year. I kind of get like this near the end of every year, but I wasn't expecting it this time around. 2009 holds a lot of things for me - more auditions, possibly more plays, more opportunities to step into the director's chair... more job opportunities, more memories, and - of course - more FACE TIME opportunities. It's strange to see how fast and yet how slow everything passes... To wake up every morning wondering what lies ahead, only to wake up once again on January first knowing you've been here before. Knowing you've been here before, but knowing this is something completely fresh and new.

I hope writing, and blogging, remain as therapeutic as they proved themselves to be near the end of this year. I guess everyone has an outlet, and I hope this one remains mine. It's a unique outlet - not like stage or dance or singing or anything like that. It allows me to calm myself, but at the same time record everything I'm feeling, what's happened, what I'm going through, offering me the opportunity to look back on my life and see how I've changed or grown. See what I've accomplished.

I can only pray that, as we celebrate our Lord's birth, He watches over me and guides me, and that I hear Him as best I can. Maybe that will be my resolution - grow in Him, follow Him more. That's one that can never end badly, right?

And as I finish this off, I'd like to wish all of you and your families a VERY Merry Christmas - may you remember what we are celebrating, and may you enjoy the times you can spend with family. May the Lord be with those that can't be with us, be it one way or the other, and may he smile upon you all. May the New Year bring you many blessings, as well... I know Christa's got one already in the works. :) (I am SO jealous!)

AND - David - IF you read this, I just want to wish you a Merry Christmas, as well. It sucks you can't be with us for what I think is the first time in forever. I hope everything goes well and you keep yourself safe!! Have a great time!! Miss you!! *hugs*

...hmm... despite the fact that Lt. Lipton's episode makes me cry every time I see it, and despite the fact that I just watched Lt. Lipton's episode, I'm in a rather chipper, giving mood right now. Mayhaps I'll leave out a piece of Almond Rocha for the ants in my room - it's the least I can do for killing their Spider Centurion on the Eve of Christmas (It was his fault, though, he jumped on me while I was getting laundry to wash, I reacted as any person would when a HUGE brown spider jumps on them).

Merry Christmas, blog readers. Get ya minds right, and enjoy your time with your families. A family is a priceless treasure, and the time you spend with them could be the best gift you receive this year. :)

~Lauren

***EDIT***

OMG OMG OMG! Remember a looooooong time ago, when I posted a rant, and I said that there was an icon of an angry smilie face banging his head against a brick wall??? I FOUND IT!!!ISN'T HE CUTE?? Okay, back to your regularly scheduled blogram. :)

***EDIT END***



If you don't know the whole back story on this, go HERE.

If you do, here is your "brief taste." Enjoy, and tell me what you think!

Bored. That one word seemed to be on repeat through Joey’s mind. He leaned forward and folded his arms on the table as his eyes darted around the room. More than once they came to rest on the ceiling fan, a pang of jealousy shooting through him as he watched the blades spin around. They weren’t moving fast, but they were at least doing something, instead of sitting in the room, doing nothing, being absolutely, utterly

“Bored,” he mumbled. He felt a yawn in the back of his throat and buried his face in his folded arms to hide it. As he lifted his head, he saw a few of the other guys talking and laughing on the other side of the room. He thought about going over and joining the conversation, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t be any less bored than he was now. He put his face back into his arms and sighed.

“QUIET!” Someone shouted behind him, and Joey laughed without lifting his head.

“I didn’t say anything,” was his muffled reply.

“I know,” Donnie said, falling into a chair next to him. “I said you were quiet.”

“No, you said quiet.”

“Same thing.” Joey smiled and lifted his head.

“Not really,” he said.

“What’s wrong?” Donnie asked, blowing off Joey’s retort. Joey shrugged, his eyes once again going to the ceiling fan.

“I’m bored,” he said absently, his eyes slowly following one of the blades.

“Do something,” Donnie said, shrugging.

“Oh…. Oh that’s a good idea. Wonder why I didn’t think of that.”

“Because you aren’t me,” he shot back, his voice soaked with just as much sarcasm.

“Thank God,” Joey said, grinning wickedly as he did so.

“For what?” Jordan asked, joining the two at the table. Without hesitating, they both smiled at him.

“For not being you,” they said at the same time. Jordan mocked laughter, then smiled despite himself.

“Is anyone else bored out of their mind?” he asked the room.

“God, yeeeeeeeeeeees!” Joey shouted before he could catch himself. All eyes in the room darted to him, and his eyes quickly went back to the ceiling fan. “Any….anyone else?” Donnie laughed and clapped him on the back, then nodded.

“I am.”

“Do something,” Joey shot back.

“I vote we beat up Joey,” Donnie said without hesitation.

“I vote we stay bored,” Joey said quickly. Donnie laughed and shook his head.

“You think we’d be able to find something to do on a Friday night,” Jordan said, frowning.

“The problem isn’t finding something to do,” Jon said, looking at a few CDs near the back wall. “It’s finding something to do where we can be sure we won’t die.” They laughed, but Joey knew it wasn’t real laughter. What Jon had said was true – they were still adjusting to the being chased aspect of being a New Kid – the being wanted part. That was a big reason why they were constantly bored. Joey looked around the room, taking in each face, each expression. The mood had changed – Jon’s statement had killed any chance they had of actually doing something. Joey once again looked at the ceiling fan, it’s blades cutting slowly through the air, still tracing the same path. He decided the fan wasn’t having any more fun than he was, and he wasn’t jealous of it anymore.

“I’d get dizzy,” he muttered. Donnie looked at him, but Joey’s eyes never left the fan. They had rallied to do something, than backed down. He finally returned to look at everyone again, decide if he was making the right choice. He looked at Donnie last, jumping a bit to see he was still staring at him with a puzzled look on his face. As if reading his mind, Donnie nodded, and Joey made his decision. He’d be damned if a few screaming girls were going to keep him locked in a room for the rest of his life.

“What’s on your mind, McIntyre?” Donnie said, turning everyone’s attention to the youngest member of the group.

“I was just thinking,” he said, glancing once more at the fan. “I was just thinking – if we died today, at least it’d be by something more interesting than boredom.” He watched as Jordan, Donnie, and Danny made eye contact, smiling and nodding.

“Good point,” Jordan said, turning his gaze back to Joey. “I’m in.”

“Me too,” Danny said.

“You don’t even have to ask,” Donnie said, clapping Joey on the back again. They all looked at Jon, who had since put down the CDs but had remained against the back wall. He looked at all their faces – eager, hopeful, excited. No matter the age, they were all very much still children, and the expressions on their faces made them look like preteens again. Jon took a breath, not wanting to go anywhere outside the safety of the room. His eyes went from face to face, taking in each look – Jordan’s pleading expression, Danny’s carefree attitude, Donnie’s recklessness – and his eyes came to rest on Joey. Joey’s face held nothing but worry – he knew he could easily be overturned by the oldest member of the group, but he could also read what Joey was trying to tell him. They had been together for years, spent nearly every minute together… if they were going to die, why not do THAT together, as well? Jon let out sigh, and shook his head.

“Alright,” he said, and the room erupted with cheers and high fives. Joey turned back to everyone, excitement welling up inside him, and his lips twisted into a child-like grin that spread from ear to ear.

Okay, so... I took on a challenge as of late.

Most of you know (now), I'm a fairly huge New Kids fan. I'm absolutely THRILLED that they're back, blah blah blah. But the one thing I never got a chance to do is collect all of their paraphernalia growing up. Dolls, posters, buttons, lunchboxes, etc. etc. etc. NONE of it. The closest I came was that New Kids towel I told you about a few posts back.

But I know some people that were WAY into that... and I've been talking to one of them. She has informed me that there were NOVELS written about the band... NOVELS... see, this is where I put my foot down. Unless they were actually Top Secret US Agents, or...or ninjas... then I don't really see what the point of a novel is. Movies, I'd understand. Cartoon shows... even that I can get. But novels? REALLY?

And on top of the uselessness - the pointlessness - of these novels, they weren't even well written. I mean, if you're going to write a novel about something that isn't really all that novel worthy, you might as well make it well written, RIGHT? I mean... she was explaining them to me, and the whole time all I could think is... whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? This passed as literature?

I joked with her about reaching out to the New Kids community and pulling it's best writers and bloggers - I mean, let's face it... a lot of bloggers are EXTREMELY talented - and having them all work together to write a tolerable, readable novel. Who knows the New Kids better than the fans, right??

Either way, I blew it off... until a couple days later, when I got to thinking.

I'm not a bad writer myself - I'm not AMAZING, but I'm better than what was described to me. I've written a few fairly good fan fictions, and some little one shots that have been read quite a bit, as well as participated in collaboration fics that were absolutely fun to write and turned out quite well. Not to mention, I'm always looking for something to do, and it'd be nice to have a project to turn to whenever I was bored.

So - I've decided to attempt a New Kids novel worth reading. I have NO IDEA what it's going to be about, but I think I'll stay away from the quirks of eating everything in sight, or the crime fighting abilities. Just an interesting read of a fictional day in the life... without it being too rediculous.

There's every chance I won't follow through with this, but I'm going to try to start it and give you all a brief taste... it'll be a first draft... and keep in mind I never let anyone read a first draft of anything unless they're beta...ing... so this is a once in a lifetime thing... I'll post it here when it's finished. I don't know if it'll be a chapter or just an introduction or what... but it'll be a taste... so tell me what you think!

I'll post it when it's finished. :)

***EDIT***

Done!! Go HERE to read the introduction!!!

There are ants all OVER my bookshelf... and WHY? Because they like my room better than any other room in the house. They won't TOUCH my brothers' room... they could leave full cans of soda open on their floor and ants won't go anywhere near them... but my room?? Oh do they ever LOVE it there. I. HATE. ANTS.

BUT - that's not what today's blog is about... it's not about hate, and it's CERTAINLY not about ants... that was just a thought that was going through my head as I embarked on today's blog journey. I'm actually excited... I HAVE A TOPIC FOR TODAY'S POST!!!

For starters, I'd like to apologize for yesterday's lousy excuse for a post. Actually, I'd like to apologize for last WEEK'S lousy excuse for posts in general. I realize I had a few good ones, but the rest were crap, and you all deserve MUCH better than that. BUT - in my defense, it happens... I can only hope that you'll all forgive me, and that my next few posts will be able to make up for the crap I put out last week. :)

Alright so... remember, a couple weeks ago I wrote a blog post about HOPE... how it was one of my favorite words?? And a few posts ago, I talked about how my favorite words were HOPE, BELIEVE, and LOVE, among others???

I've decided to define LOVE for you... or at least what I think it is. And I don't mean love for family, or friends, or blah blah blah. I mean, relationship love... I guess if I want to define it for you, I have to cross the language boundary, first.

I've been blessed with an upbringing in the church that allowed me to learn about the different Greek words for love. In English, we have one word for love, and use context clues to figure out what one means when using it. Confusing, right? I think so. But in Greek, there are a number of words: Eros, Philia, Agape, Thelema, and Storge, among others.

Philia is used to represent the friendship type of love... loyalty to those we care about - family, friends, etc.

Agape is used to represent affection and adoration.

Storge is used to represent the affection one would have toward parents - the natural love one feels for family.

Thelema is used to represent the desire to do something, as in "I love to snowboard" or something to that effect.


The love that I want to try and talk about is Eros. Eros is used to describe the passionate love, the sensual desire and longing that comes with it. The love you feel toward a significant other.

Before I get into anything, I feel I should point out that, even though I have never been in a relationship, in my 20 years of life on this planet I can say that I have honest to God been in love once - once that I am absolutely, positively, sure of, and it'll be this instance that I'm going off of.

A lot of people have describe love as being magical - that everything falls into place, everything works out and everything clicks. You find a person that you never fight with, that you never ever ever have problems with.

I'll agree that it's magical - but not the way everyone thinks it is. I won't agree that it's when everything falls into place - that you find a person that you never have problems with.

From what I've seen, and what I've experienced, Love messes everything up.

WHOA Lauren, way to be a scrooge!!!

Well, just hold on, hear me out.

Love messes everything up. When you're in love, left is right and right is wrong. You could have the best day with someone and by 2 am you're cursing their name. One plus one not only doesn't equal 2, but it CAN'T equal 2. You DO fight... you most definitely fight... but I think that love is when you do fight with that person and still love them when it's over. You're able to spend the worst day ever with that person and be dancing in your room when the night is over.

I think that love is magical only because it makes you compatible with someone you would NEVER be compatible with. My friend Jordan recently blogged about Musicals, and said that the Phantom of the Opera was her favorite even though it shouldn't be. My response to her was THAT was why it was her favorite... it was something she normally wouldn't like, but when it was over she wanted to watch it again. Did that mean she liked all musicals of the same story line?? No, JUST that one.

I think love is the same way. You find someone you normally wouldn't get along with and you look passed their flaws, passed their inconsistencies with your personality, and love them anyway. You would rather spend a day fighting with them then a perfect day with anyone else. The relationships that I've witnessed last longest consist of people who approached the relationship knowing it would be a lot of work and not minding it.

Let's put this discussion on pause - I in NO WAY mean you should try to fall in love with a drug user or an abusive person, or anything like that just because that's not how you are. I don't mean endure someone's abuse just because it'll mean you're in love if you put up with it - I don't mean that at all and I hope you don't get that from this. I mean things a little less extreme... someone who likes chocolate ice cream when you can't stand it... someone you would eat chocolate ice cream with just because you love them more than you hate it. I mean backing down from an argument even if you hate losing. I mean admitting you may be wrong even if you believe without a shadow of a doubt you're right.

You may be asking - yes, but if you've never been in a relationship, how do you know you were in love??

And that answer is actually a lot more simple than one would think... it's because I don't regret it.

I've liked a number of people, and always looked back and been upset about the time I wasted on that person. Time that could have been spent doing something productive. When I met this particular person, I was at a point in my life when I had decided that I wasn't going to LOOK for someone... and found him anyway. I tried a ton of new things I wouldn't normally do (non legal, non compromising things, I should clarify lol), watched movies that weren't my genre and ended up loving them... there are a ton of things I still do now that I never would have discovered, had I not done it just for this person. And I don't regret ANY of it. I don't regret the time I spent with this person, I don't regret any of the fights we got into. I don't regret not having my love returned. I'm not embarrassed about all the times I acted like an idiot, or made a fool of myself. I don't regret any of it - and that's a big deal. I'm usually the person who will stub their toe and wish they had taken a different path through the living room... I used to regret everything, even if it had a positive outcome.

And I think that's another aspect of love... you learn something about yourself... you unlock areas of yourself you didn't know existed.

It didn't work out - and I know it probably never will. Am I still hung up on this person? Absolutely not - I'm able to move on knowing that this particular call will never be answered. But I'm content - I'm glad I went through this experience, and I'm glad I was given the chance to discover the things I discovered during this adventure.

That doesn't mean it won't hurt when you realize it's over - I mentioned earlier that this year was very much filled with heart break - it's never simple, never easy, and it's CERTAINLY never a clean break when you have to admit it's over - but I'd be willing to say that that's an aspect of love, too, and getting through that is part of it as well. Being able to forgive the person that broke your heart is part of it, also. Not dwelling... there are so many aspects. Even if you're in a relationship with this person, chances are, you'll get hurt - and it's pushing through that hurt that's going to make the relationship stronger. It's work, and you have to work at it to MAKE it work.

Notice how nothing in this mentioned anything sexual??? That's because IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE. I feel like I should stress that - you can love someone without being sexual... YOU CAN, GIRLS. IT'S DOABLE. That's something that isn't stressed enough, especially today. You don't have to give it up to prove you love someone... you really don't.

Ultimately, I believe love is looking pass the surface - appreciating every aspect of that person, every aspect you despise, and seeing how it makes them beautiful. Seeing how, when this person uses it, it itself is beautiful. Seeing how left is right, right is wrong, and it's okay. Cursing their name at 2 am and loving every minute of it. Knowing one plus one does equal two, but happily being able to admit that maybe that isn't always so. Not knowing whether to laugh, cry, or hit someone, and not minding the confusion. Knowing that even though this person may argue with you, that even though love messes everything up, that you'll not only achieve your dreams through it, but discover dreams you didn't know you had. It's being underwater without any air without the fear of drowning.

If you haven't found love, I hope you don't fear it. If it has found you, I pray you'll use it wisely. If you've found it a while ago, and have since made it a part of your family, I will pray for you, that it lives on, and that you get through whatever problems you may encounter.

Love messes EVERYTHING up - but it's okay... the way I see it, it's a mess I've enjoyed cleaning up.

~Lauren

What am I thankful for?? hmm.... I'm thankful for those laughing, crying, kicking, screaming moments that end with a "phew." I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. :)


Find more videos like this on New Kids on the Block

Tell me why you fight
Up in the open sky
I only hope you know
how hard it is letting go

And I will pray for you and me
that our love lives on endlessly
through all of time we will endure
we are earth and sea
endlessly

Will you walk with me
Through valleys crossing rivers deep

then hand in hand
we will be
Oh Yeah Yeah

And I will pray for you and me
that our love lives on endlessly
through all of time we will endure
we are earth and sea
endlessly

So remember if ever you're wanting to hide
don't you know what you're feeling, I'm feeling inside
Oh Yeah
Don't forget our dreams
It lives on endlessly

I will pray for you
and you will pray for me

Endlessly,

So remember if ever you're wanting to hide
don't you know what you're feeling, I'm feeling inside

We are earth and sea

Endlessly, endlessly

It's Sean's birthday... happy birthday, Sean!! :D Let me explain this scene to you - I've moved my laptop out into the living room... Sean is playing Fire Emblem, Hank is being lazy, and I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to blog about. I find it entirely hilarious that, in order for my laptop to be plugged in, the Christmas lights need to be on... haha. How festive my laptop is. :)

*shakes head*

Back on topic. What to blog about... I found a song for you all to listen to! *points to youtube vid* What that means is, I put my new playlist on shuffle when I retired last night and that song played and it sang me to sleep and I absolutely love it. It's beautiful... at least I think so. So don't worry, there won't be a Joey Mac song of the day or anything... I just really really REALLY like this one - even more than LA Blue which is saying something. :)

But I still have nothing to blog about... I know what I want to post for New Year's eve.... and I know I should do something thanks driven, seeing as it's NaBloPoMo and everything but... really... I don't know what to do. (Aw, how sad, Ike's father just died... stupid Black Knight... there's always a Black Knight)

I've been trying to think of something to blog about, and my friend just gave me a topic... Stew.

I suppose I could try to blog about that... it is stew/soup season. But nothing comes to mind.... haha...

Well, I guess what I'll do is share some graphics! You see, I like to make playlists... I have a total of 4 themed playlists: Blue Eyes, Your Own Personal Jesus, Get Sweet on This, and Monsters. And whenever I make a new themed playlist, I'll make a graphic to go with it. The only one I can't lay claim to is MOPJ, becuase someone else made that playlist and graphic. Outside of that, I've designed my own... I'm still designing Monsters, but the others I'll share with you.

Don't you ever wish you were someone else,
You were meant to be the way you are exactly.
Don't you ever say you don't like the way you are.
When you learn to love yourself, you're better off by far.
And I hope you always stay the same,
cuz there's nothin' 'bout you I would change.

[Verse]
I think that you could be whatever you wanted to be
If you could realize, all the dreams you have inside.
Don't be afraid if you've got something to say,
Just open up your heart and let it show you the way.

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
Believe in yourself.
Reach down inside.
The love you find will set you free.
Believe in yourself, you will come alive.
Have faith in what you do.
You'll make it through.

[Chorus]

It's my 50th post, and I wanted to do something epic.

However, today the only "epic" I seem to be able to conjure up is of the FAIL variety, so I'm sure I won't be able to write anything terribly moving or touching or overly amazing... blah blah blah.

I do, however, want to point out the above song to you. It's entitled "Stay the Same," and is sung by Joey McIntyre. No - I'm not just posting it because he recently blipped my radar by doing a number of Sinatra covers... though he does get major points for that. But the song is one I've had for a while, and I listen to it a lot when I'm depressed. I don't know who he's singing to, but it doesn't make the song touch me any less. I absolutely love it.

Joey gets his points for having amazing vocals, but he also gets props for recording the song. Now a days, all the songs you hear are about being skinny, being hot, being beautiful - being what the world wants you to be. I think it's refreshing to have a song out there that tells people to be themselves; that tells people not to change no matter what because they're fine the way they are. It's something people need to hear - I know I need to hear it a lot, cuz... yeah, there's a lot that could use some changing.

So, just to give everyone that little encouraging nudge... plus it's not like it's painful to listen to it, or watch it for that matter. :)

I also wanted to thank all of my readers... I know it's been hard to be faithful as of late. Troy pointed out that I blog a lot, and now that I've thought of it, I guess it is a bit much to ask that you all read a blog post a DAY. But I'm here posting my 50th because of all of you - your comments, your kind words, and everything. Thank you for your support!!!

I guess, also, since this IS the 50th post, and I've been promising you a Max Payne review, I should give it to you.

Max Payne was... HORRIBLE. I'm so sorry... I can't give you a detailed review. I cried through the last half of the movie, because it really was worse than Saw V. The writers took a perfectly usable story line and kick it in the face, then threw it in a furnace and watched it burn. WHY WOULD YOU CHANGE MONA'S SISTER'S NAME??? Way to kill one of the coolest hidden treasures... sheesh.

Mark did a good job but... wow... can we stop scowling, please?

Oh, hey disgruntled child... I like your scowl. I have a scowl like that in Max Payne, have you seen that movie?? Okay, say hi to your mother for me.

I have to say, the office shootout scene was fantastic, and I have nothing but respect for that part of the movie because I saw how it was made... none of it was computer ANYTHING, and I don't think any of it was green screen. Mark had no stunt double, it was all real save for the bullets. I wouldn't say the movie is worth waiting through for THAT scene, but it is a fantastic scene.

So - bottom line. If you have friends who like to make fun of movies, or like to stare at Mark Wahlberg, go ahead and check this out. If you don't have any friends like this, I suggest finding someone who DOES have friends like that, borrow the DVD, and skip to the office shoot out scene. If you're a fan of the game - DO NOT WATCH. You'll wallow in a pool of your own tears 15 minutes into the flick... it's absolutely terrible.

I do not recommend spending money on this movie if you don't have to.

If you know Kevin Shewey - he's a lying liar from Liarton, The Happening was NOT worse than Max Payne.

If you're Jolie McLane and happen to be googling yourself, I'm just putting your full name in here to screw around with your results... lol.

Merry Christmas, everyone! :)

Get ya minds right!

~L.

One scary morning, a big ugly Grinch showed up and SCARED everyone. Everybody ran away from the Grinch, scared, until Pixie Hollow was deserted. When the Grinch had no one left to scare, he went up to his scary Grinch room and died.

No - no he didn't die, he just went to sleep. He slept for a long time. Eventually, the Pixie Hollow witch found him. She was really ugly, and she killed him. Everyone in Pixie Hollow was still asleep, so they had no idea what was going on.

The End.

That story was "written" by a 4 year old boy named Kohen. I thought it was the most adorable thing in the world, so I figured I'd share it with you... and I decided that it went along VERY well with the topic of today's post: Talent. Kohen made that story up off the top of his head, and for a 4 year old, I was extremely impressed. He's definitely got a talent for story telling. :)

The point of this post, however, is... me. lol... I know that sounds extremely selfish, but... let me explain. Lately, I've been told how talented I am by numerous people, and about numerous things. I recieved a message from someone I've been getting to know that informed me that my writing in this blog had touched her - and hearing that really touched me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is - to everyone who told me I did a great job in the Christmas Musical; to everyone who said I made them laugh as Mr. Cornwell; to everyone who has told me that my writing has either moved them or touched them, or just told me I have writing talent at all; and to the few of you that have heard me sing and have (LIED and) told me I had talent there as well - Thank you.

Everyone is their own worst critic, and Lord knows I'm hard on myself... it really does mean a lot to me to hear that other people think I'm doing well. As much as it shouldn't matter what other people think, it DOES... and it means a lot to me to hear that people appreciate what I do... each and everyone of you are amazing, but there are a few people that I really want to lift up...

Jordan - *hugs* I love you!! I've had so much fun getting to know you, and to be quite honest, this blog is what it is because of you. :) All the times you told me that I had a good or that I was good at blogging, or even if you just said I had good camera presence... it meant a lot to me and helped me to want to continue this... and if it hadn't been for you, I would NEVER have heard of NaBloPoMo, and I wouldn't be on the eve of my 50th post! :) So thank you for all your kind words and encouragement.

Donna - my inspiration! I love you and all of your insane determination! It makes me feel like I should get out there and run a marathon! And it means that much more when you give ME a compliment! :) Thanks for all the encouragement and inspiration!

Courtney, Mikayla, and Ana - Honestly, I could give you all your own tab, but it would become a slew of insane (and not entirely appropriate) inside jokes that I just don't want to get into right now... I just want to say - I wouldn't have done it if it hadn't been for you three. Wouldn't have even DREAMT of doing it - but I did it and it's all your fault, and I absolutely love you for it. :) Thank you so much for all your nudges and kind words and all your feedback. :)

Nancy - thank you... you know why. :) It was insanely touching and what you said meant a lot. Thank you sooo much for your kind words. *hugs*

Melissa - *superhypermegahugs* Thank you so much for letting me be a part of your family!! You and your kids love me so much - I don't think I've ever been loved that much by someone outside my family! And I always seem to hear from you or run into them when I'm having a bad day... thank you so much for everything! :) I think I owe my love of working with children to you, as well, cuz when I came back from Texas I wanted NOTHING to do with them! *hugsagain* Love you! :)

That's not to say I don't appreciate everything from everyone - these are just the peeps who have been due a formal thanking. :)

And now my brain is scattering... I'm doing my best to grab every little thought that tries to run away, but it's hard work, and makes it even more difficult to focus and blog. So - I bid thee goodnight!!!

GET YA MINDS RIGHT!

~L