I find it interesting that, as I awoke this morning, I felt refreshed, ready to take on the world. Talk about a change! I feel ready to take on the new year! I don't know if that means that it's going to suck, or if it's going to be awesome, or WHAT, but it makes me smile. As of right now, I feel great. :)
So, this marks the beginning of 2009 - and this is my first NaBloPoMo post of January... but I've decided I don't want to dive into the year... I'm not ready to admit change.
So - I'm going to use this blog to reflect on some funny moments of 2008.
Facebook has a section for favorite quotes, and I usually put ones that made me laugh up there... but there's only so much room and as I need to make room for more, I save those I'm taking off... I'm going to post them all here, so that you might be able to share a smile or two like I did. :)
ADAM: OMG! It ripped my hands off!!
ME: Oh no!! It's still stuck in the paint!
ADAM: Well, I have an idea! The ants go marching down, to the ground, to get out of the rain...
ME: That's genius!
ADAM: We need rain!
ME: and ants!
ADAM: You do a rain dance, I'll get ants!
ME: Okay! ♪♫Cliiiiip your tooooe naaaails ♪♫
ADAM: It's not working!!! I have sugar in my pocket, hold on...
ME: Boy, you're pretty handy with those nubs!...the ants are going real slow....
ADAM: Here, try the water! Hows it looking?
ME: I think they're dead!
ADAM: Now what are we going to do?
ME: I know! We'll steal someone else's paint, I'll use the roller, and you can use your nubs, dip them in the paint, and we'll do like, a polka dot theme!
REEBI: And here we are at the imagination statue..
CHRIS: I don't see anything...
REEBI: Of course not, you need to use your imagination...
ME: Sometimes, I imagine that I'm the biggest and best jump roper in the entire world!!
CHRIS: I just imagine you falling out of a tree!
ANNETTE: What's a cheerleader without a leader?
REEBI: It's a cheer.
ME: A cheerleader without a leader is like me without my jump rope!!
Debra: Your not very talkative...
Me: My not very talkative what?
Debra: Well, your not.
Me: ⌐_⌐
IN OMALLYMALLOYSIA... all recreational drugs are legal, divorce is illegal, political activists are routinely executed, nudity is frowned upon, and the government is seen to favor Catholics... WTF? That's outrageous! I've NEVER supported Catholics! ~ ME, while reading about the state of my nation.
RANDY: It was supposed to be good. They said it was the greatest western since The Untouchables.
ME: WHAT? The Untouchables wasn't even a Western!!! There's your first problem!
"Imagine capturing the sun's power and putting it into a chip... who would do that? And WHY? Who's walking around in a field going, "man, that sun is AWESOME! But I wish I had it in chip form...." That's ridiculous." ~ Me, after seeing a sun chips commercial.
"My little league coach got me the job... I think he kinda felt bad for me... and he wanted to get me started on a different profession...." ~ Casey Affleck, on his job selling hot dogs at Fenway Park
"Peligroso es mi nombre medio." ~Virgil Malloy
"We should probably clean up all the oitmeal... I mean... OATmeal." ~Me
HEATHER: I know I've heard this song before... what movie is it from?
ME: The one where the group of kids goes to the beach and they get murdered? Or the one where the kids go to the hotel and get murdured? Or when they go home and get murdered? OR is it the one where they go to the beach, and one of them gets murdered so they go to a hotel and another one gets murdered, so they go home and two more get murdered?
Heather: You have a problem... it's like, an obsession.
Me: It's not an obsession, it's just an easy way out. He's Robert Downey Jr. He's been with everyone... and that came out sounding more insulting than it should have. He's been IN MOVIES with everyone.
Heather: She's one of those ones that has a million and one credits... she's been with everyone...
Me: HA!
Heather: IN MOVIES... IN A NON SEXUAL WAY! There, does that cover all the bases?
"Kevin! We're at Quizno's, and we can't decide if we should get our food to go, or eat it here! Call me back with your answer... we'll wait." *2 hours later, Kevin calls* "OH THANK GOD! We're STARVING!" ~Me
"Boys are stupid. They only spread diseases. Like pregnancy." ~The Great Kevin Shewey ((OMG I laughed so hard when he sent me that))
"I just want to express... my backpack stayed on the back of my car the entire way here." ~ Johan
Heather: Eddie Murphy was in Shrek with John Lithgow...
Me: John Lithgow was in Footloose with KEVIN BACON I WIN!
"I was saying I hated you all because Heather was all like, "we're at the beach and blahdy blahdy blah."" ~Kevin
ADAM: I wouldn't go halfsies with THAT... That's what she said.
HEATHER: What?
ME: Aw... he's trying so hard... THAT'S what she said!
PSYCHIATRIST: Your mother says you've been getting into scrapes with the other boys...
CHARLIE: I think that's the best euphamism for getting the crap beat out of me that I've ever heard.
JIMMY: I think they should definitely do a sequel to (Iron Man).
ROBERT: Thank you, and I love hearing that from someone who hasn't even bothered to see the movie yet. That's my demographic.
ANDY: What's this about runners pooping down their legs when they run?
GREG: You've never been around runners, have you?
ANDY: Oh I've been around runners... who don't do that.
"Now a days, we have so much cool stuff, and iPods, that we don't know what it's like to run with the wolves..." ~Greg Gutfeld
Heather: 7 pieces is a serving size? That's ridiculous!
Me: Well, look at them, they're the size of toes. They almost let you have ten toes... I mean... that's pretty filling...
"Please don't be a serial killer." ~Me, to Tyler
"Why didn't you tell us there was a change machine right across the street, instead of letting us walk all over the place looking for change??" ~Randy
TYLER: I'm gonna go use the bathroom
*half an hour later*
ME: Did Tyler die?
ME: He wears pants.
HEATHER: I thought they wore speedos??
ME: they did in Athens... now they wear full body suits - but he wears pants. I mean... I have a picture of him without his pants on... wait, that's not what I meant...
ME: *in wingstop* COME ON, REBECCA! YOU GOT THIS!
JOLIE: GO! GO! *Rebecca wins the gold*
BOTH: YEAH! UH! WOOHOO!!
ME: SUCK ON THAT AUSTRALIA!
HEATHER: You guys are such geeks!
ME: *gasp* He got number SIX! HE GOT NUMBER SIX!
JOLIE: *gasp*
BOTH: *cheer and scream in wing stop*
LADY: *to kids* See? They think he's their boyfriend, too.
ME: Kohen, throw your trash away.
KOHEN: But you're a NANNY
ME: Yeah but.. wait... what?
ME: Kohen, what do those look like on your eyes?
KOHEN: Sunglasses!
ME: ...well, yeah...smart alec...
HEATHER: When I was two, I didn't know sushi was uncooked fish... and I'm Japanese!
HEATHER: Otter Water is just fun to say
ME: That's why in chemistry, I always remember - make like an otter, add acid to water.
HEATHER: Wait... otters do that?
ME: CLEARLY - you've never been to Boston in the fall.
MELISSA: They've just finished watching the Pacifier for the 16th time...
RACHEL: No! It was the 20th!!
MOM: You can't have 4 tacos and a burrito.
DAD: I didn't have breakfast, so I need a burrito to make up for it.
MOM: I didn't have breakfast either!
DAD: You need a burrito, too.
RANDY: Look at me, I'm the gay man!!
RANDY: It's only 10 dollars, I'm sure we could spot you.
ME: Whether or not you can see me isn't the problem!!!
RANDY: I'm kidding.. why are you picking sides?
ME: I'm not!
HEATHER: Lauren picks no sides...
ME: Yeah, I'm Switzerland.. or Sweden... which ever one is neutral...
ME: I'm trying to check this guy out without being obvious...
HEATHER: Do it like micheal scott...
ME: Oh yeah, he's hot... oh, oh wait... I think he might be gay. Yep, he's gay.
ME: Randy... do you think they have the same policy for Bleu Cheese as they have for Ranch?
RANDY: Yes.
ME: *looks at half full bowl of Bleu cheese* Well, frick.
JOLIE: Just put it in the grits, they'll never know!
ME: Heather, thank you. Seriously, you're my heroine. And by heroine, I mean female hero. I dont' want to stick you in a needle and inject you into my arm.
JOLIE: I dunno, I think Heather would feel good shoved in my arm...
MANDY: This is really good!
JOLIE: Yeah, the shark is goooood.
ME: I know! I can see why Michael eats one every day!
SHAWN: I can't believe it, you lifted your look right off the mannequin!
GUS: On the contrary, Shawn, that mannequin stole MY look.
SHAWN: I'm Shawn Spencer, this is my partner......wow, I've done this a million times.
"Every time you sing, an orphan gets adopted. Unless, of course, you suck... then a kitten dies." ~Me
"Dude... are you signing a football? LOL. WHY ARE YOU SIGNING A FOOTBALL?? Wait... they... they know you're NOT Eli Manning, right?" ~Me, reacting to a photo of Michael signing a football.
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." ~ Dr. Seuss
"The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Michael Phelps out.
"Never put a limit on anything. The more you dream, the farther you get." ~ Michael Phelps
KATE: How did your father die?
DUNCAN: the usual way... he stopped breathing.
"I have to eat between 8 and 10 THOUSAND calories a day... and I don't cook....AT ALL." ~ Michael Phelps
DAD: They said this, and this, and they'd do this, and
ME: And dorkfish bit the corndog... *shakes head*
DAD: yeah...
ME: I have deoderant in my bag if you'd like it... I also have toothpaste... and a... tooth brush.... I pretty much feel like I've been living out of my purse for the last few days.
JAZZY: Why?
ME: Cuz... I've been living out of my purse for the past few days...
ME: That's cool about the poster!!!
DAVID: Yeah, I'm like the Michael Phelps of the Drum Corps world!
ME: ...I don't know what that means... but COOL!
JOLIE: I said you're amazing since I came home, and Michelle cleaned the entire house. The kitchen, bathroom, vacuumed carpets. It was great. I owe it to you. lol.
JOLIE: Alright, Adam needs to tell us about him being behind a guy.
HEATHER: You'll get infected...
ME: I have no problem getting infected with Michael Phelps
KENNY: Grandpa eats all our cheese...
ME: Why do you come over to our house and eat our puffy cheetohs and drink our water?
KENNY: Cuz I'm fat.
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." ~ Dr. Seuss
ME: Hahaha, good one! Man we're all on a role tonight!!
DEMETRA: Yeah! *applauds* Everyone gets the clap!
ALL: 0_0
MANDY: What kind of mating call is that?? Who would you attract?? Down syndrome babies??
JOLIE: NO! SEALS!
ME: WHAT?
MANDY: And then they would scream it across the campus and call each other lesbians... like a term of endearment.
ME: Oh, like when I call Jolie a Ho Biscuit.
ME: Yikes, Bikes - what would you say next?
DEMETRA: Dikes...?
MANDY: That's what I was gonna say...
JOLIE: I said Jeeves.
MANDY: In highschool, we wanted to call it the Baby Seal Club...
ME: Yeah... I can see how that would be bad.
DEMETRA: None of you had better open a gay bar without telling me. We're gonna call it, the Rusty Bear Trap.
JORDAN: And who knows, maybe that one IS just a rumor, because what all-star athlete would poison themselves with drugs, y'know?
ME:....
JORDAN: Okay, nevermind, but anyway.
ME: I'm laughing so hard right now... you probably didn't even mean that to be funny.
"I just got rung up by a tall skinny white boy with big ears and no butt... we had a riveting conversation about how there is a taste difference between yams and sweet potatoes, and how our grandmas made candied yams with marshmallows at Thanksgiving." ~Me
"I know, I'm so innocent... so many girls want to do bad things to him, I just wanna sit on the couch and play with his ears." ~Me, in response to a STRANGE MP oriented conversation
"I don't know why my initial reaction was grabbing her ears and headbutting her in the face." ~Mandy
ME: Bill, you're a chicago Bears fan, too??
SPIFF: no, Lauren, he's a fan of the animal.
ME:...Bears beat battle star galactica!
HANNAH: BLASPHEMY!!
ME: No, FACT.
BILL: ...what?
DAD: I'm afraid McCain can't overcome this mountain, and it's going to be Obama nation.
ME: heehee...
DAD: what?
ME: Obama nation sounds like Abomination.
ME: I think the shining moment of the debate for me was when Palin answered Biden's response, and Biden looked down at his podium and said "son of a *****"
ME: Andy!!! I feel like I haven't seen you do a half time report in a thousand years. And, in case you're wondering, that's a REALLY long time.
ME: Knox killed my son.
ANNE: HA! I was thinking that... the whole episode you don't see who his mom is... I thought, because, it's Lauren...
ME: Yep. That was my child... and he was killed. Sadness.
BIDEN: I don't have a stomach for genocide when it comes to Darfour.
ME: Oh, but other instances are alright?
ME: Paying a higher tax does NOT make you a better American...
ARQUETTE: You just made Joe Biden cry...
ME: And I thought this day couldn't get any better!
ME: I couldn't help but notice, one of us is stalking the other...
ME: Andy makes us all laugh.
BILL: Andy is a sad, strange little man...
ME: Bill, I HAVE to know... did my e-mails have anything to do with Mike Baker being on the show?
BILL: YOU BET IT DID!
ME: YES!
BILL: So, does Baker have a fairly large female fan base, or is it just Lauren.
ME: It's pretty much just me... *tool*
DSL: An armoured cow??
ME: AN ARMOURED COW!!
MAL: Oh, Belgium
JON: I never quite understood that.. I was in the backyard, washin' the dog, and then I end up in the night club. It's not like I was freshenin' the dog up for the club, makin' sure he didn't smell like onions or something...
GARRETT: It's exciting for me to see my body get more fit as time goes on.
ME: It's exciting for US to see your body get more fit as time goes on!
GARRETT: hahaha, well, I am getting more fit! :)
((And by Garrett, I mean Olympic swimmer Garrett Weber-Gale... I'm so cool like that))
JON: I couldn't even picture what we did in that video...
DANNY: That's probably because..... YOU WEREN'T THERE!
DONNIE: I think this video is us saying enough - we had it with the critics and the back lash, so we lashed back... there was a lot of anger in this video...
JON: BREAAAAAAAATH!
BABS: My Donnie Wahlberg Doll says you have Cheetohs and he wishes you would share... I hate being the middle man, I wish you two would start speaking to each other again!
ME: Well, if he hadn't eaten all my chocolate cake, we wouldn't be having this problem. You can tell Donnie Doll that I WILL share my Cheetohs... just not with him.
BABS: okay, hang on... Donnie Doll wants me to tell you that you made that chocolate cake for him, and since he's an effigy of your favorite New Kid he should assume all rights to consume what he wishes and...
ME: You can tell him he didn't have to be a PIG and eat all of it.
KEVIN: It's an abbreviation of a vulgar phrase... which is coincidentally an abbreviation of another vulgar phrase, but they managed to keep the swear words in it.
ME: Got rid of all the useless words...
KEVIN: Like... "in," "you,"
ME: "the..." Nouns and verbs, that's all you need... forget adjectives.
KEVIN: Forget Pronouns, even.
ME: Yeah, just throw them all out! Who needs them!... I feel like I should apologize to the English language.
KEVIN: I apologize to the English Language... especially the letter Q. I've been particularly rude to it as of late...
ME: I don't use Q nearly as much as I should...
KEVIN: And Prepositional phrases, I've been treating them badly.
ME: Yeah, but... come on... prepositional phrases ask for it, they kind of have it comin...
ME: When are you coming home??
TROY: hahaha and that my dear is one of the many mysteries of this universe. I wont tell a sole in the words of my mother hahaha
ME: Fine... but could you maybe tell a soul?
TROY: no no
ME: Just me? Please?
TROY: That's the way my mom put it, so I have to say it that way... I ain't tellin' nobody's feet.
ME: Where'd mom and dad go?
STEVEN: To the dentist.
ME: This late??
STEVEN: He went to get his teeth back.
ME:...what? Was he using them in class and had them confiscated?
DONNIE: The concept of the Summertime video was to recreate a typical Tuesday afternoon at Donnie's pool house.
JORDAN: Could you imagine a weekend at Donnie's, if that was a Tuesday? Did you see all those honeys? On a TUESDAY afternoon? Are you KIDDING me?
DANNY: Some of our friends are in that video...
DONNIE: all 76,000 are in that video! Walkin down an alley with me... to assault people...
Some of them may be repeated, and I apologize for that. :)
Let's get this!
~Lauren
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