LAUREN'S SECRET DIE-ARY!

That is just a funny little video I am using to distract all of you from the fact that I have not been blogging. XD I am really really sorry, but the truth is, I have NOT been doing well. I had a bad week... went camping, consumed cookies and other things detrimental to my progress, got home, was tired and lazy and too busy and other lame excuses, didn't eat right, consumed FAR too many calories and sweet things, slacked off about going to the gym, and weighed in having only lost ONE AND A HALF STUPID POUNDS... which don't even count because the body fluctuates 2 lbs every day. LAME.

I wanted to cry... and honestly, I knew what I was doing. I knew how I was eating, not going to the gym, all of that was working against me rather than for me. I tried counting calories, and that all went out the door by lunch when I realized a ham and cheese sandwich on wheat bread was worth 500!!! (ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?)

Beyond that, the more I realized I was falling off the wagon, the more angry and defiant I got.

I was hungry, I was tired, and I was discouraged.

And I SHOULD have blogged. I get so much encouragement when I blog, I should have done it but I was ashamed and embarrassed and angry that I wasn't doing well, so I didn't. I didn't want to have bad blogs after 2 weeks of good ones. And the sad thing is, there probably would have been like, 1 bad blog had I actually tried to write them.

I tried to distract myself, laugh that I wasn't following my own diet regiment, laugh that I hadn't been to the gym in almost a week and a half, but honestly, I was just angry with myself.

And I'm STILL angry with myself. BUT, I'm trying to use that anger and be productive.

I'm forcing myself - actively forcing myself - to eat better and earlier and all that jazz. Since Saturday, I've been consuming only 3 meals a day, and they were moderately good meals. I stumbled a bit, going to get frozen yogurt with Aly, but it's frozen yogurt and at least it wasn't ice cream. (Ack, I'm making excuses!)

Since Saturday I have only eaten a maximum of 3 meals a day, yesterday triumphing and successfully consuming a meal replacement bar - and only a meal replacement bar - for lunch.

I'm not technically eating breakfast yet. By "technically" I mean my breakfasts in the past week and a half have been either a banana and a fiber bar, a fruit cup and a whole wheat bagel, Multi Grain Cheerios, or a Special K bar and a 100 calorie chocolate milk. I'm not used to eating breakfast, and consuming too much too early at this point gives me a stomach ache. But, I am improving there.

Lunch in the past week and a half was a rollercoaster from horrible to moderate to getting much better. Since Saturday, my lunch has been something simple: A sandwich with a fruit cup and carrots, a hot dog w/ bun, meal replacement bar, and a sandwich from Togo's (I have decided that sandwich shops do not count as fast food, but I have also made a conscious decision to stop eating chips. I have not had chips for a month).

Dinner ranges from a number of things, but I've kept myself from over-indulging. I've also cut out white bread nearly completely. (I say nearly, because I stumbled when we went to String's and had garlic bread, and the bun on my hotdog was white bread. Other than that, I have neither craved it, or consumed it). I've had fast food once since Saturday, and that was In-N-Out Burger. Not the best choice, but I had a protein burger with no spread, no ketchup, no mustard. It was just the patty, cheese, onions, and lettuce.

Snacks are getting better as well. A handful of cheerios, a small bag of carrots, a baby wheat bagel, fruit... add to that the fact that the need for snacking is minimizing despite my epic amount of failure, and I think it's safe to say I've got snacking under control.

And, today, I got back in the gym.

The experience was upsetting to say the least. I won't lie, I am thrilled about my crunch progress. I can now do 36 crunches, FULLY, with an 8 lb exercise ball. I can also do the twisty thing twice as long. I'm glad my abs have not greatly suffered during my break. Likewise, my weight training has improved. I was able to blow through it with little to know resistance, completing all exercises.

What upset me the most, however, was the Elliptical. I had been working so hard to defeat it, and today it defeated me. My week long absence destroyed the progress I had made... what was once 15 minutes is now 6.5. :/ I finished my work out on a quickstart treadmill hill program, jogging for a portion of the time and keeping my speed no lower than 3.0. (The highest was 4.5... my music was KICKIN!) I had also failed to eat lunch, and was close to the point of vomiting near the end (I'm sorry if that's TMI for some of you!)

I ended my workout with 10 minutes in the Sauna to loosin' up my muscles, and now I'm at home, sitting in a chair by a window that faces my backyard and listening to old Judson Band concert music whilst telling you all about the whole ordeal, and hoping you'll be distracted by the hilarious cartoon posted above.

My blogging should pick up regularly from this point forward, and here's hoping that I blog NO MATTER WHAT... even if I fall off the wagon and get severely bloodied and am completely unrecognizable!! While I am a bit bruised - mostly in my pride - I still think I can do this... so, here's to losing more than 1.5!!!

And here's to everyone taking the journey with me, that have offered encouragement, given helpful tips, and helped me to try new things in order to help me on my journey. Like King Theoden, I have realized I do not stand alone and like a fleet of banished warriors loyal to Rohan, you have all come to my aid when I needed it most. :)

ROHIRRIM! To the King!

Always, and fervently, a nerd -

XOXO Me