Hard to say what it is I see in you - wonder if I'll always be with you....

Have I ever stated how truly envious I am of the New Kids? Not because of the fame or the fortune or whatever... but because of their friendship. I think I have stated that once, but I never went into great detail. See... they started when they were young whipper snappers... if I remember correctly, Donnie was 15. I could guess the other guys' ages, but the first mention of the group being pieced together, Donnie was 14 or 15. If you listen to what they say on Behind the Musik and THS, you'll find out that a number of the members grew up together, and were already friends before the group was even conceived. I think only Joey was the one that was new to the group, replacing Jamie Kelly. SO - they were friends before they were the group, they were friends while they were the group, and they remained friends after the group split up. Now, 15 years later, they're back together and STILL friends. I'm fairly jealous of that.

It hit me last night when I was watching Stand By Me - I love that movie, it's absolutely hilarious, but it's also very touching. Four friends go on this "adventure" and kind of discover who they are and learn a lot of lessons about life. But what bothers me is, at the end, Gordie talks about how they drifted apart... until Teddy and Vern were merely faces in the hall.

I bring up both of these things - the New Kids and Stand By Me - because it really got me thinking. I went through a lot of stuff in high school... I really had to do a lot of searching and listening to God to find out who I was. I had to get my mind right and crawl out of a pretty deep depression before I got anything done... but through all of this, I had a group of friends that I truly adored. Best friends. By about end of Sophomore year/beginning of Junior year, we four - Cassandra, Denise, Debra, and I - had dubbed ourselves the Squishy Squad. We were BEST friends, got into oodles of trouble together, had more inside jokes than we had sense, and we even fought with eachother. Some of the biggest fights in highschool I had with these people... but we got over it. We loved eachother, and we relied on eachother. I've never had friends like them... but like the movies says, who ever does?

The problem is, we drifted apart. We had all these memories and inside jokes and little one liners that only made sense to us, and we drifted apart. Denise became nothing but a memory and a face in band... we still talked, and after graduation I tried to stay in contact with her, but it wasn't going to happen... I haven't seen or heard from her in who knows how long. Debra was a year behind us, and we stayed in contact for over a year or two, but now all she is is a contact on my AIM buddy list. We hardly talk, and when we do, it's like talking to a stranger - I have no idea what to say. And then there's Cassandra - if I were Gordy, Cassandra would be my Chris. I stay in contact with her and keep tabs on her, but even that isn't the same... I miss those days in high school.

Now, there are occasions - RARE occassions - when Debra, Cassandra, and I are able to chat on the phone or online like we were still in high school, but those moments are sooo few and far between, and it makes me wonder... why do we let people drift away? Now, I understand that sometimes, it's out of our hands, but I also have to admit that I don't try as hard as I could to stay in contact with them. I just wonder why it happens - if those relationships are nine times out of ten what keep us going through the hardest times of our lives, why do we let them drift away and become memories, like the hardships they helpes us through? How come it's so hard to keep people close to you, no matter what? And it's not just them... I had so many friends in high school that I let drift away... or that passed away. There are moments when I think of all of them... something will remind me of something in high school and I'll just take a nice detour down memory lane...

I watch my brothers as they grow up, too, and see them with their friends... sharing laughs and making trouble and being crazy, and I wonder if they'll drift away from them, too. I know that one of Steven's friend's won't be around forever... and that's heart breaking, too. I know I pushed people away so I wouldn't have to remember those I lost, and I regretted it every day and I hope he doesn't do the same - but I wonder if the drifting away thing is as universal as it seems. I just wish there was a way to reconnect with everyone at the drop of a hat... or that I could at least figure out what the New Kids did to remain friends for so long, even when they were apart... because sometimes, I just tell myself it was time to move on... but most of the time, I really do regret letting them drift away - and that's heart breaking for me, because I don't want to regret a lot.

I guess, what I'm trying to say is, as time goes on and things change, relationships may fade... so make the best of the time you've got.

Let's get this.

~Lauren



told you you'd get a worth while post! :D