Once upon a time, a girl changed the world...

I just got back from the Revolve Tour last night, and I've been thinking of a few things that were mentioned. One thing in particular got me thinking, and I usually keep these thoughts to myself, because I don't know how to get them across... it's frustrating to have people not understand, and ten times MORE frustrating to know that the reason they don't understand is because you're not making them understand. But this has been bothering me, and I feel that maybe, if I write it out, it may make more sense. So - if this whole thing sounds retarded, bear with me.

Yesterday, Natalie Grant came out and told an arena full of girls that one girl could change the world. That every little thing that we do will have an impact on the world. Now, I love Natalie Grant... she's one of my biggest role models. She's an amazing vocalist, is a better Christian witness than I could ever dream of being in my lifetime, and she's a real person. I usually hang on every word she says.

But yesterday, I had to disagree... and it made me mad.

I mean, who am I to disagree with someone like Natalie Grant??? She obviously knows what she's talking about... she's succeeded every where I've failed, and even where I've succeeded, she's succeeded better. So if she says something, why shouldn't I just accept it as true?

She pointed out how some of the girls in the building were probably saying that they couldn't change the world, that God couldn't use them, and honestly, that was me.

I've been dealing with some crap in my life that I'm still not comfortable with saying out loud, and I'm pretty much the worst christian witness I've ever met. How... no, WHY would God want to use me? Why would he use me when he could use someone far more capable???

And what can I do to change the world??? I mean, really? I've tried... but when have I ever left a deep impression on anyone's life?

I've been thinking about this all day... I wasn't able to sleep last night, and I couldn't get it off my mind this morning...

It's not so much the fact that I don't believe a small thing could have a big effect... hell, I subscribe to the Butterfly Effect. It was more, why would God want to use me and how could he?

I've had some time to think about it, and I've decided, Natalie was right. I mean, He's GOD. If he wants to use me, he'll find a way. I don't know how... but he does, and I figure it's just time to stop trying to figure everything out. I live a faith based existance, don't I?

"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God."

It's funny how peaceful you feel when you finally just give it up, and say that He will find a way. Give way to faith.

So... I'm going to try to let go... instead of asking how, I'll ask now.

Lord, please... I don't know how you're going to do it, but use me to spread your truth. Help me to live out your life... take this crumpled, broken life, fix it, and make it matter.

I know I'm not worth much, but you can change that. Make me matter, and help me change the world, so that I may rejoice in Your glory.